It all started nine months ago...jk!! Seriously though, from the moment you find out you are expecting until that moment you are holding the baby in your arms, there is such a roller coaster of emotions. After the 20 week mark, I started really delving into any information I could get my hands on regarding birth, caring for newborns, breastfeeding, diapering, post partum care, etc. If it had something to do with pregnancy and/or babies, I was reading it. I thought I was prepared.
First off, I was going to have a regular, vaginal delivery with as little medical intervention possible. If I could focus and breathe through the pain, I wouldn't even need an epidural, but I was not against getting one. Then, after minimal pain (because I would labor at home for hours, coming in to the hospital only when the pain was unbearable or when contractions were less than 5 min apart) I would give birth to a beautiful baby girl, breastfeed with no issues (because I would be vigilant about getting the perfect latch) and go home after 48 hrs with my new little family. That was my imagined scenario.
What really happened:
Friday morning I had a 39 week appointment at my OB office, and was also following up on my blood pressure/protein levels from the previous appointment. My blood pressure was 145/96, not significant by itself, but pretty high for me and it had been steadily increasing since about week 34/35. My protein levels went from trace, to +3 in 4 days. As soon as the doctor walked in, I knew I was being sent to the hospital for induction. At first, I was excited to think that in a couple of hours, if everything went well, I would be finally DONE with pregnancy and holding my baby!! Then I realized that having an induction meant I had no control over my labor. I would be in the hospital from the beginning of the process to the end. On monitors, not being able to eat or walk around, pretty much just waiting for things to kick into gear. That's when I started to think that maybe this whole process was going to take a completely different turn.
We left the office in a little bit of a shock, went home to eat (only Giuliano, I was told no eating for me) and pack our hospital bag. Arrived at the hospital around 1 PM, went into triage and pretty much got rushed in to sit around and wait. The OB on call came to talk to me about my blood work and plan of action around 3 PM. He said, among other things, that I was having a baby and needed to choose induction or C-section. I said I would really like to try induction since it was still important for me to have some elements of my original birth plan. The OB didn't really like that, and kept telling me I was very unfavorable for a successful induction since my cervix was only 1 cm dilated, not very soft, about 60% effaced. Also, he said based on my last ultrasound, baby girl was weighing approximately 8lbs 13 oz. Another reason should just choose a section from the get go and be done with it. Giuliano and I spoke about it, prayed together, and decided we should just go ahead with the induction. Why not try? I was admitted into labor and delivery, got started with an IV, and connected to all the monitors. Around 5 pm I was given cervidil to soften the cervix, which needed to be in place for 12 hours (2 hours of which I had to stay in bed for) and then in the morning they would do another cervical check before starting pitocin. I was also given one "last" meal before delivery. Lucky me!
I won't go into details, but it was a long night. Every time I moved wrong, the monitor would lose Ellie's heart beat and the nurse had to come back in to fix the positioning. Blood pressure checks at least every hour, and since I was getting a lot of IV fluids I had to pee a lot. Which meant calling the nurse to come in and remove all the monitors. In the morning, they removed the cervidil and checked me: no softer, still 1 cm dilated. Then the pitocin was started, and the nurse told me not to wait for the pain to become unbearable before requesting an epidural. (never happened, I didn't feel the contractions) We settled in again, eagerly awaiting the progress that would signal the much anticipated arrival of my tummy dweller. I would like to point out that during this time, I was not allowed out of the bed at all. So my dear husband had to be my personal nurse and bring me the bedpan every time I had to pee (which, being 9 months pregnant and getting lots of IV fluids, was very often) and empty it since I couldn't wait for the nurses. Such a trooper, he was amazing throughout the entire experience.
At 4 pm I was checked, and despite having contractions every 2-3 minutes, I had made no progress in 8 hrs. I was spent. Exhausted from being in the hospital with very little sleep for more than 24 hrs, mentally and emotionally tired from just the whole ordeal. I would've agreed to anything at that point and my doctor knew it. She recommended a C-section and I practically begged her to schedule it ASAP so I could just be done with the whole process. Looking back now I feel cheated out of a "regular" birthing experience, almost like my body didn't do what it was supposed to.
Off we went to the OR, Giuliano dressed in scrubs and me waddling down the hall knowing the next time I was up and about we would have a new baby in our lives. Pretty surreal. The actual OR experience was not the best, mostly because I am very sensitive to any kind of sedation and the spinal block made me VERY nauseous, resulting in me trying to dry heave for 10 min but unable to bring anything up since I was pretty much numb/paralyzed from the stomach down. Also an odd experience to be unable to take a deep breath or even cough adequately while having the spinal block.
Nothing prepares you for the moment you hear that first cry from your baby. Immediately Giuliano was being told to come and stand to the side, taking pictures and watching them as they cleaned her off and let him cut the cord.
After stitching me back up and sending me to recovery, Giuliano and I were able to go back to our room around 10 pm for some family bonding time. Ellie has been such a joy to take care of. Even her cries are cute to us (which I'm sure won't last, but for right now we are enamored with every little thing she does). I would never have been able to imagine the love you feel for your newborn or the way your love changes towards your husband watching him with your child. It is indescribable.
Recovery from the C-section hasn't been too bad, especially with so many people around willing to help. The biggest difficulties so far have been sleep deprivation (thank goodness for grandmas!!!) and breastfeeding. I have had a really rough time of it, and although I'm told everyone goes through some difficulties, it doesn't change the frustrations I feel. But, then again, if those are my only issues during her first few months of life, I will consider myself extremely lucky. I know for a fact that others have it harder, so I can't complain about my lot.
